Getting Things Done, Gently
Yes, this is a post about procrastination, but first, please stop calling yourself a procrastinator. Instead, say, “I get things done, and I am gentle with myself while doing them.” And, then be gentle. I can assure you that this is a very fruitful first step. You may be thinking, “If I’m gentle with myself and still don’t do the thing I want/need to do, how is that going to help?” Let me remind you that when you beat yourself up, it actually makes you feel less inclined to do the thing you would like to get done, vs. more inclined.
Second, ask yourself why you are doing that task. If you are trying to do something because you feel you “should” do it, that’s a sign that it’s not time to do it. For example, exercising because you care about yourself and want to bring yourself into better health and you have the energy and are looking forward to working toward this goal is very different than exercising because you hate your body and are sick of yourself and want to look different and want to make yourself do it even though you are exhausted and rundown.
I am not suggesting to abandon the idea of desiring to move towards feeling healthier (though many tasks can be abandoned, like those stemming from obligation, guilt, and fear). I’m suggesting starting at the real beginning task, which is shifting from hating your body to loving your body, and shifting from being angry with yourself to really caring about yourself and all you’ve been through. Those are the tasks to tackle first.
If your task is more “administrative” in nature, such as needing to open a retirement account, or needing to return an item by bringing it to the post office by a certain deadline, then take a moment to think of the steps required to fulfill this task, such as the first task being to research what brokerages offer retirement accounts or that the first task is to print the return label for the item you need to return.
Third, once you have the actual task clear, take a deep breath and relax about it. Release the urgency mentally and emotionally. You can even close your eyes and remind yourself that it’s okay, what’s important is that you enjoy your life first, in the here and now, and not that you lose ten pounds. Remind yourself that you will expand in direct proportion to the amount of joy you allow yourself to feel in any given moment.
Fourth, go do something else that feels less stressful and resistant, something that will feel a little good. Seriously, straighten up the kitchen, or take a bath, or make a cup of tea, or read a book, stretch a little, talk to your daughter or a friend (not about the task). Then, do something else, and maybe even something else. Maybe you even go do other things for a day or so.
Fifth, eventually your mood will lighten, and you will feel you have a little more energy. In that moment, if it feels okay (and it should feel okay before you take this step, don’t do it when you don’t feel okay about doing it; it’s important that you wait until you do), then take that first action. For example, a first action towards moving towards a healthier state of being may be to sit, meditatively, but your hands on your heart and belly, breathe slowly and acknowledge how much you’ve been through, how your body has carried you through it, and how precious you are, that our bodies are only vessels that carry us in this material, 3-D world, that they are beautiful no matter what they look like, and that you deserve SO much love, and that you promise yourself that you are going to try to be kinder and more loving to yourself in every moment from then on. Let yourself feel this. Maybe that’s enough, or maybe you want to go and take a nice bath and focus on loving your body.
If the first task was administrative, then you take that task. Maybe you make a cup of tea and research brokerages for fifteen minutes, or you pull out the packing supplies for your return. And then THAT IS IT. Only do the amount that still feels light and nourishing and good. Do not push yourself beyond it. For example, don’t force yourself to then write down all the limiting beliefs about yourself that you have so you can transform everything right then and there when what you really want to do right now is take a little nap after the cry you just had. Or, don’t force yourself to stay on the internet researching brokerages when you’ve started going down some rabbit hole about retirement tactics and are now feeling stressed out and nervous about the future. STOP. Stop before you feel taxed, or the least bit upset, or are doing something to “fix” or solve something. It can be this pattern of forcing ourselves through upset and tasks that feel awful and are full of “shoulds” that causes the resistance to tackling the tasks we truly want or need to do. In this step, only do what feels a little bit “inspired” and uplifting to do and observe your energy. Do not keep going when you feel your energy start to wane or your emotions begin to feel upset.
Sixth, repeat steps four and five until you’ve completed the task. Meaning, go live your life, and when the impulse returns to complete another part of the task, then do that. Maybe you take the printed return label and get the package all set up and put it by the door, and then, again, go do something else. Maybe you are feeling more loving towards yourself and good about yourself and you want to treat yourself to some movement and so you go take a walk.
Applying this gentle approach that focuses on nourishing ourselves instead of aggressively forcing ourselves allows us to move towards creating what we want in our life with love, and then we find that procrastination does not exist because we are in tune with ourselves. Maybe we “put something off” a little once in a while because it’s not the most fun in the moment, but we’ve changed the old pattern of “forcing” ourselves to do something awful and beating up ourselves when we couldn’t complete a task we were being forced (like punishment) to do. And, instead, we’ve now transformed how we take action by strengthening the muscles of nourishing ourselves into doing the things we want to do and creating new habits that help us thrive and do things in a more enjoyable way, even the tasks that aren’t the most fun (like returning a package).
Remember, when someone feels attacked, forced, or punished, the outcome is never good. It’s no different when you do it to yourself.
