Haunted

Are you haunted by anything? When you are engaged in a task, like cooking dinner, do you find suddenly your thoughts have wandered to that subject again? When you are at rest, such as in your dreams, is a theme recurring lately? When shavasana comes at the end of a yoga practice, where do you find your mind goes?

I am. I have been haunted by things for quite a while, and one in particular, my family. This process I’ve been in for the last two years has necessitated me going into seclusion. I know not everyone, or perhaps most, will not understand. And I found myself in fear, panic, and guilt over taking the time necessary to go through this process on my own. I love my family, but this process wasn’t prejudiced. It required seclusion from everyone. Imagine going into an ashram for a few years, except I was not in an ashram. The anxiety that I am hurting my family or that something will happen to them was virtually intolerable at the start. Also, that I am missing out on parts of my nieces and nephews’ lives was difficult to bear. It’s all still difficult, but it has also allowed me to begin to understand the idea of energy connections and being haunted.

I have a feeling that their energy (thoughts, intentions, feelings) are reaching out to me. Also, these feelings that I have are similar in frequency to the fear of death and fields of general guilt that are pervasive in our society. So, as I am either resonating with these energy streams or vulnerable and open to them reaching me, I am impacted by them and, at times, haunted by them.

When I am haunted, similarly to when I have found myself with other energy fields interfering with my own (like, say, social media), it is very difficult for me to feel my own energy. It feels like there are all sorts of different energies swirling around, but mine is squashed off to the side somewhere. It’s like I can sense it at a distance, but it’s not my primary field vibration.

When I am able to spend a continuous amount of time (at least multiple days) away from strong energy fields and recentering into my own energy, over and over, nourishing it, then I am able to feel less haunted and more of me. Some ways to do this:

• No social media, no (or maybe once per day) email, no television shows, no books or other media (audiobooks, music) other than those that are completely neutral or close to my own energy or that I experience as very uplifting/exciting.
• Avoid all advertising. Avoid overhearing conversations.
• Engage in yoga or other exercise on my own or only with instructors and spaces that feel neutral or uplifting.
• If possible, only do work that I love, or, take off of work, or work in a way that is shielded from energy hooks.
• Set my primary intention to be fully, completely devoted to being in only my own energy and enhancing it.
• Meditate at the start of each day. Begin by relaxing the body, breathing deeply, and focusing on clearing the mind. Then, begin to feel into my own energy only. Focus on sensing it and enhancing it. Visualize and feel white light filling my body completely and nourishing every single cell. A bonus is then visualizing myself as I envision how I feel, look, behave, and seem when I’m in only my energy – my true essence.
• Engage in activities that serve to fuel and nourish my essence. For me, this is writing, creating art and music, walks and time in nature, yoga, listening to certain music, cooking and eating whole foods, drinking plenty of water, sipping hot beverages, taking baths, getting massages, cleaning and rearranging my space, journaling, meditating, resting, spending time on my body (exfoliating, face masks, etc.), exploring a new area and observing, going to bed early and getting a thorough amount of sleep, etc.
• When I find myself being pulled by hauntings and other energies, I immediately send them to a loving place and return the focus to myself, even placing my hand on my heart and saying, “What I need right now is my own self, my own energy, to be completely me.”

At first, I can feel the energy inside of me feeling what I would call “wiry.” It feels like it needs something, some sort of distraction to deal with all the excess energy that is not mine that is swirling around. After a few days of this, I will feel my heart center more and more at peace with a familiar excitement inside. I will feel more at home in each moment, and I know then that I am returning home, to my own self, my own energy. Stretches of time will go by where I will realize that I have stayed in the present moment and have not been pulled away, haunted by other people, places, and things’ energies. I begin to remember and welcome me back to myself. I begin to come home.